My dosage is so miniscule now, it's pretty difficult to measure and can't possibly be having any physical effect at all. It certainly isn't enough to mke me feel happy. Since being relocated very much against my will to Hong Kong, I am about 8,000 miles away from the friends and family who have supported me throughout this long, tedious, difficult and drawn out process. Having been through two failed rounds of fertility treatment over the summer and having just learned I will need to have an operation if I'm to have any chance of conceiving, I cannot think of a worse time to have been uprooted.
On the positive side, I don't seem to have put on any more weight and after about three weeks of really regular and sometimes persistent palpitation, my heart has been back to normal for 72 hours. Logically, I can see that if I get up tomorrow and don't take my medicine, I will probably be fine and not experience any further side effects. But I can't quite bring myself to do it yet. I've been on this stuff for six and a half years and you start to doubt whether you can function on your own (recent experience would suggest, erm, I can't). It will happen, probably within the next week or so (it would be so nice not to have to lug bottles and syringes through customs any more), but not until I'm properly prepared.
Rather unhandily, my very helpful Feeling Good Handbook, as recommended by the nice people at Newham Primary Care Psychology, is at home in the UK. I waddled along to the local English language bookshop but while there was a lot of self-help guff, there was nothing specifically about CBT. I have found myself behaving and thinking like a depressed person a lot since I've been here and I need to get a grip. Depression is something you have to guard against every day of your life if you are prone to it. Unfortunately for me, chocolate chip cookies and retail therapy are never going to be enough.
I need a back to basics healthy eating and fitness plan and to be returned to my place of origin as soon as possible.
