After nearly five years, I am trying to come off seroxat for the fourth time. I plan to keep a diary of my efforts and to discuss a few issues relating to the greed and lies of GSK, the makers of the drug, the woeful ignorance of the real effects of this drug amongst the medical fraternity and hope to find out what help is available to the thousands of people who struggle to come off it.

Monday, 8 January 2007

Day 7

Have now reduced my dosage to about two millimetres away from the 5ml mark, a decrease of about 5 millimetres from my initial starting point when I switched to liquid. I have noticed a number of symptoms but luckily they are currently irritating rather than seriously unpleasant. The first couple of nights, I had trouble sleeping but since then, I have had more trouble waking. I'm very grateful that I work from home so I can sleep for as long as my body wants. I seem to come round at about 9.30 but it takes me another half an hour to fight through the grogginess and actually move. My eyes feel gritty and heavy and most afternoons, I feel as though I could easily nap for another couple of hours.
I also seem to have lost my appetite mechanism. Since I started taking seroxat, I have been permanently ravenously hungry but for the last four days I have had to remind myself to eat. When the food is in front of me, my appetite is pretty much the same as before. My stomach is no longer sore but it does look very bloated and I can no longer blame mince pies. I have decided to go veggie for a couple of weeks and see if that helps and get stuck into wholegrains.
Another thing I've noticed is that I'm very thirsty and have had a pint glass of water at my side at all times. I've cut out coffee and only have one little cup of English breakfast tea a day, instead of my usual double-sized vat. I'm also avoiding fizzy drinks.
Mainly, though, I've ben feeling generally out of it. I feel like my brain is moving very slowly and my short-term memory is hopeless. I made the stupid error of deciding to test myself with an outing to John Lewis on Oxford Street yesterday. I found the movement of the tube made me a little bit dizzy and while I wasn't too bad with the crowds, I started to develop a hyper-awareness of my own thoughts, as though there's a whole other level of commentary picking over every thought that goes through my head. I used to get this a long time ago when I was having panic attacks and it's a horrible feeling, like having a second voice competing against the first one. I closed my eyes anfd concentrated on staying upright, as I was feeling a bit woozy. Once I got home, I was fine and demolished the paper in a couple of hours, did a bit of work and had dinner.
This week, I have decided to take control of my diet a bit more and have been poring over recipe books for healthy things to cook. From my own experience, I've found I feel so much better when I'm eating well. I positively burst with virtue when I eat fish or cabbage. I am also going to try to incorporate some yoga into my daily routine, in addition to my afternoon constitutional. The plan is to get down to 5ml in the next couple of days.

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